After lengthy research, I have concluded that the most effective way to determine a person’s willpower is to measure the length of time it takes the subject to give up on the candy stick that comes with the Fun Dip and just pour the powder down his or her throat. I lasted not even close to long enough to count.
What an age we live in, when many of us have a machine in our own homes that is solely responsible for washing dishes, and NOTHING GETS GODDAMNED CLEAN.
Look, I’m not saying we named our child after a bourbon. I’m just saying I can’t really remember. Kind of a blur.
My brain doesn’t allow me to like popular things for some reason, and I don’t know why. So whenever a big song from the radio gets stuck in my head that I find catchy, I find myself altering the lyrics to diminish its hold on me.
Hence, Sam Smith’s smash hit single, “Pee On Me.”
“I would love to spend my Sunday morning paying to perform manual labor we as a nation pay immigrants poorly to perform for us.” – white people going apple picking.